A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous yes.

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

Now, said the professor, as the laughter subsided, I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions, Good things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else the small stuff.

If you put the sand into the jar first, he continued, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. I’m glad you asked, he said. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,
when 24 hours in a day are not enough,
remember the mayonnaise jar and the beer.

(URP) - Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers and unsuspecting pub regulars to keep alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market, called "Beer", is used by females to target unsuspecting men.

The drug is generally found in liquid form, and is now available almost anywhere. "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to convince their male victims to go home and have sex with them.

Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no- strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach: After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be seen with.

Men often awaken after being given "beer" with only hazy memories of exactly what has happened to them the night before, just a vague feeling that something bad occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are stung for their life's worth in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." Apparently men are easier victims for this scam after "beer" is administered and have previously been sexually approached.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with locations in every town, where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly-affected, like minded guys. To find the nearest such support group to you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.

Buffalo Theory

In one episode of 'Cheers', Cliff is seated at the bar describing the 'Buffalo Theory' to his buddy Norm.

"Well you see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive drinking of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

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The Best Beer

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Señor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."
The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser."
The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors."
He gets it. The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke."
The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?"
The Guinness president replies, "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."

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